


Harvest Song

by Morefiercethanfire



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5025400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morefiercethanfire/pseuds/Morefiercethanfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy and Spike with lots of snark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harvest Song

Spike caught the smell of smoke well before the smoke alarm went off, but he wasn't about to say anything. Buffy went dashing past him into the kitchen, and her wail joined the blare of the alarm seconds later. Spike smirked, enjoying the Slayer's distress until the shrill sounds began to grate on his nerves. “Bloody hell, Slayer! It's a soddin' pie, not calculus. Just make up another one an' stop carryin' on like that.” He snorted. “Unless the mighty Slayer who can kill thousand year old vampires without breaking a sweat doesn't want to admit that she's so pathetic she can't even bake a bloody pie.”

“Shut up, Spike.”

“Can't even bake a pie without burning it to a crisp.”

“Spike, if you don't shut up this minute, you're going to end up in an ashtray,” she snarled.

“Oh, so it's threats now, is it? An' I'm supposed to be scared? This comin' from the Slayer who CAN'T EVEN MAKE A SODDIN' APPLE PIE?!?”

The alarm finally shut off and Buffy reappeared in the doorway, glaring at him. “Spike, shut up or I'll find a way to make you!”

“So this is how the mighty Slayer treats her captives is it? She ties them up when they come to her for help and then threatens to kill them.”

“No, this is how the Slayer treats vampires who annoy her and need to be dusted.”

“But you can't dust me yet, can you, Slayer?” Spike shot her a smug smirk. “Stake me an' you won't have anybody to tell you all about your little commando group.”

“And I'm supposed to just believe you why, again?”

“Because I was _there_ , you bint! Got this chip as a little take home souvenir, or are you conveniently forgettin' that part?”

“Give me a break. You're just making all this up, aren't you?”

Giles slammed the book he'd been looking through and looked up at the feuding pair. “Stop fighting, the both of you. It's very annoying and it really isn't getting us anywhere.”

Buffy threw an irritated glare at Spike and replied “Can I dust him, Giles? Please?”

“No, you most certainly cannot.”

“Why not?”

“For one thing, I don't fancy having to clean my carpet after you've killed him.”

“I'll take him outside. Pleeeeeease?”

“Buffy, I said no. We need him for information. And besides, he's perfectly harmless.”

“Not to mention that it's rude to go killin' a dinner guest,” Spike added. “What would your mum say if she knew?”

“You're not a dinner guest” Buffy snapped. “Vampires aren't dinner guests. They're small piles of dust waiting to happen.”

“Yeah, an' you're just the one to do that, ain'tcha? Little Miss Stuek-up Princess who can't be bothered to get her hands dirty an' learn to make a soddin' pie?”

“I swear to God, Spike, if you don't shut up right this second...” Buffy threatened, but any further argument was cut off when the first arrow flew through the window and embedded itself in Spike's shoulder.


End file.
